My college entrance essay
Was a literary crime
I tried to write a poem
But I couldn’t get it to rhyme
I told them in Admissions
That my verses all were blanks
They read it quite completely
Then, politely said, “No Thanks!”
Now I was told my college choice
Would either make or break me
I had to find a talent that
Would have some college take me
My save percentage was too low
My goals-against, too high
I couldn’t hit, I couldn’t run
I couldn’t shag a fly
But when the 12th grade ended
Dad said I had to go so
I took up the glockenspiel
Became a virtuoso
Band directors made some calls
While others sent me feelers
Who knew there was a shortage of
Italian glockenspielers
I finally got a letter saying
I had been accepted
Sad to say my college years
Didn’t go as I expected
Some folks who like their Double-Mint
Can’t walk while they are chewing it
Turns out I played divinely
But I couldn’t march while doing it
The Provost kindly let me stay
That guy was such a beauty
Assigning me some campus chores
And mascot clean-up duty
Had I known then what I know now
Good God! What was I thinking?
I could have used consultants
And spared myself that plinking
