The rituals of New Year’s Eve
Are full of contradictions
Some make resolutions
While others make predictions
So even though I know I shouldn’t
(I even swore an oath)
I think perhaps in poetry
I’ll take a crack at both
I’ll exercise religiously
Which should improve my looks
I’ll banish carbohydrates
And sell a lot more books
I won’t obsess on news reports
I’ll watch and then forget
I vow I’ll never throw
Another slipper at the set
Yes, If I do the things I say
Results should be spectacular
And now it’s time for verses
Just a little more oracular
Washington will stay shut down
Departments closed selectively
Which means of course, the government
Will function more effectively
CNN will break the news
For which they’ve long been waiting
The bombshell that the Mueller team
Is still investigating
And in my crystal ball I see
What we have long surmised
The budget for his office staff
Has been annuitized.
Now I’ve resolved to be renewed by
Keto-friendly lunches
I hope that I can keep the faith
As you recall my hunches
But one I know for sure will be
Remembered and repeated
From now until September
The Browns go undefeated
