Of all the pleasures I have known
One is NOT a kidney stone
It makes a person curse and swear
In language that I shall not share
A ripping riff of innard shreddin
That has one hope for Armageddon
But Id take this for all my crimes,
Than read the bleedin New York Times
Or lose to teams I hate the most
Than say I read it in the Post
Id rather put aside my pen
Than watch a night of CNN
Or writhe as from a serpents bite
Than see the nightly news each night
As all of these, with one crescendo
By rumor, ruse and innuendo
Fabricate and feign and fault
To bring this country to a halt
Creating such a swell environment
They put the brakes on my retirement
Since Im in pain, though not quite dead
All I can do is shake my head
And though it isnt apropos
Another thing that you should know
Id rather pass a string of pearls
Than watch an episode of Girls