After reading all the news
The oracle has spoken
Breaking news ain’t what it was
Because the news is broken.
The writers who wrote Dragnet
Are what this business lacks
We don’t want your opinion , ma’am
We just want the facts
The headlines are deceptive
The by lines are a joke
You can’t write for a newspaper
Unless you’re young and woke
And as an old subscriber
Who clearly isn’t either
I’ve cancelled my subscriptions
Cause I need a little breather
And now the last two weeks or so
Have seen my spirits tumble
You know what I’ve been missing
The crosswords and the Jumble
The comic strips that made my day
The laughs they were the start of
But not the rest of that fish wrap
That they were the best part of
I stumble through my feeds on X
Which formerly was Twitter
And please don’t mind me telling you
I’m just a little bitter
I like the feel of newsprint
I really love to hold it
Even on the subway
Just the way my dad would fold it
The Times is propaganda
I know you think that’s crass
But tell me how they’re dif’rent
From old Pravda or from Tass
I want to study issues
And understand them clearly
Newspapers would give me that
And, boy, I miss them… dearly
