Have you ever watched and wondered
When election games get played;
In the back rooms and the boardrooms
How the sausages get made?
When you tune in to debating
Out there on your TV screens
You can look but you won’t see me
I’m the guy behind the scenes
I ride their campaign busses
Take my meals in greasy diners
While I scribble on some napkins
Amy Klobuchar’s one-liners
I’m the guy who preps Joe Biden
When he speaks to Face the Nation
I live my life on coffee
And complete exasperation
I’m the surrogate for Steyer
(I can imitate his frown)
When I stand-in for Mike Bloomberg
Well, I do that sitting down
I keep reminding Mayor Pete
To practice what he preaches
Then send him home to memorize
Barack Obama’s speeches
I do legal briefs with Sanders
Cause he isn’t an attorney
Working with him’s easy
All you do is say, “Yes, Bernie”
When I got the gig with Warren
Then I really had it made
I just stand and let her scold me
Like I was in second grade
You can say my job is easy
But I’ll tell you, that’s a slander
I’ve made it my profession
Teaching people how to pander
So, if you watch them arguing
And figure, “What a shame”
I think you ought to recognize
That I’m the one to blame
