Tell me that, by Newton’s Law
A rock stays where you leave it
Tell me 1 plus 1 is 2
I simply don’t believe it
Tell me that the sky is blue
Or Philly fans are louts
Swear to me you know it’s true
I’ll say I have my doubts

I seek the kind of certainty
That bites you on the nose
I wouldn’t be one to say I saw
The Emperor’s New Clothes
I measure thrice before I cut
I read before I sign
A drop of my distrust
Could all the seas incarnadine

But tell me that the texts are gone
There’s no way to retrieve them
How can you doubt the DOJ?
Of course, we must believe them
And I can see quite clearly
Through these rosy colored glasses
Every text deleted
Was about their yoga classes

So what if they can’t find their phones
Or if the phone’s a burner?
I put my trust in them
The way I trusted Lois Lerner
So what if he was texting
While he cheated on his wife
The insurance he was after
Was a quote on his Term Life
And I believe Jim Comey
For he is an honest lawyer
That Hillary had no intent
To circumvent the FOIA

Perhaps you think I’m blowing smoke
Or trying to be funny
I know someone who’ll vouch for me
My friend, the Easter Bunny
You brood of Doubting Thomases
You trouble and disgust me
I know truth when I hear it
I guarantee it. Trust me.