(Editor's Note: Yes, that is the way they pronounce it in Ohio)
When I was young, I found myself
Not troubled in the slightest
I was assured our leaders were
The bestest and the brightest
Sleep easy Joe, that Russian Bear
May growl but it won’t hurt you
That fellow in the White House
Is a paragon of virtue
His minions know the people’s dreams
And share the Constitution’s
Because they have degrees
From all our higher institutions
Whatever ails the country
They’ll have the diagnosis
And when they leave the scene
They will have earned apotheosis
As I grew up, of course, I learned
These people had their faults
And most were as reliable
As ten-year old Renaults
Line up our politicians
Then take a look at the list
Instead of what I once believed
You’ll find the worst and dullest
A glance at their accomplishments
Reveals, as I suspected
They only thing they’re good at
Is getting re-elected
These defects are survivable
When things are going well
But put them in a crisis and
We all go straight to hell
We look to each November
When we can change directions
And try to find a hero
Through the mud run of elections
We want to vote for eagles
But the parties give us sparrows
Who, with any competence
Would face such slings and arrows
But if you love your country
And hear this little rhyme
Why don’t you run for office
For friends, now is the time
