I often hear superlatives
When finishing my narratives
But last week I got took to task
For using bad comparatives
My poem seven days ago
It failed to pass the muster
The host, he didn’t mince his words
He cut me down like Custer
For actions so transgressive
There are limited solutions
And so, I thought this week
I should revisit resolutions
I tell you from experience
I tell you from the heart
The only way to start to change
Is change before you start
I’ve given up on vices
Because vices are a curse
The only way to live your life
Is being vice averse
I will not eat between my meals
So now I’m eating more of them
Instead of three, square meals a day
I’m eating twenty-four of them
Whenever I feel hungry
I drink water as my out
I live in California
It’s no wonder there’s a drought
Adhering to these principles
As silly as it sounds
In only seven days, my friends
I’ve lost my first two pounds.
This sizzling successfulness
Makes me strong and saleable
Next time they need a speaker
Tell them I’m available.
