For eight years, I was famous
I was mentioned every day
Then since back in November
It’s as if I went away

Noted as notorious
For villainy and vice
It’s been said that I’m a menace
Now that isn’t very nice

I was there at every rally
But the guy you never saw
I’m the one no one can follow
I’m the man made out of straw

Since I’m the guy you love to hate
The Democrats adore me
So why don’t I reiterate
The things they’re saying for me

I want your rivers filthy
And I want your children fat
I want your grandma starving
And I want to drown the cat

I want the artic melting
And to see the planet hot
And though for me, more KFC
No chicken in your pot

My plan for education is that
Students all should fail
Guns on every corner
And lots more folks in jail

I want to see oppression
And tyrants yielding power
And everyone who’s working
Making 50 cents an hour

And as for health insurance
Well, the less the better said
My plan gives all the funding
To burying the dead

Be sure when I’m elected, though
I’ll never bait and switch
It’s easier, as you well know
To champion the rich

So there you have my platform
In order, 1 to 10
But if you’d like to hear some more
Just tune to CNN