Ask anyone who knows me
I’m a real fair-minded fella
I love me chocolate ice cream
And I just can’t stand vanilla
But if I planned a party
From the menu to the favors
I wouldn’t let that preference
Influence my choice of flavors
I really like the Giants and
Don’t care much for the Browns
I like to win a little bit
As silly as that sounds
But if they played the Super Bowl
By Jove! (And by Minerva)
I’d watch the game unfolding;
A disinterested observer
I once got knocked unconscious
By a really nasty mugger
But put me on a jury
I’d acquit the little bugger
I went to school with Jesuits
They chose one for the Pope
And did that make me happy?
I can honestly say, “Nope.”
I always thought Ovechkin
Ought to win a Stanley Cup
But I had no emotion
When he finally picked it up
Because I have a talent
That is owned by very few
I keep completely separate
What I want and what I do
When all the chips are scattered
It’s no matter where they fall
I put aside my biases
I’m fair to one and all
The moral of this poem?
If it, you might have missed?
You’ve never met a man like me
Because I don’t exist
