Some things can still be gained
From even outrage and inanity
So, I propose that everyone
Be forced to prove their sanity

Like managers who call The Squeeze
From guys who never bunt
And coaches who still run the ball
Against an eight-man front

Folks who get the warranties
On everything they buy
Or those who order oysters
When they’re dining in July

Viewers viewing CNN
Not wanting to get rumor
Or tuning in to watch Colbert
Thinking they’ll get humor

Directors who see film as ART
And strive for something lasting
But don’t reach out to Gary Oldman
Every time they’re casting

Yes, everyone from poets
To the star of The Apprentice–
All of us must take the stand
To prove we’re compos mentis

Congress ought to pass a law
So we can do this legally
And put away all persons found
Behaving Captain Queeg-ally

To figure out who should go free
And who should be confined
Everyone must keep a log
Of thoughts that cross their mind

Bureaucrats will check
If you’re presenting false or true logs
And those whose thoughts don’t measure up
Are sent off to the gulags

Yes, that’s the kind of thinking
I’ve been doing in my brain
Proving once again, yours truly is
Completely raving sane