Joe's Blog

 

 Welcome to The Poem of the Week  Blog Page!

 

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Go to

 

www.tarzanajoe.blogspot.com

 

 

4 Questions

Spring will never come again
No April without pain
Each April the Emancipator's
Slain

Mothers, will there ever
Be a Sunday in December
When your sons will not
Remember Remember

November never passes
Until I shed a tear
Year after Year after Year

And never in September
Will I look into the sky
Unless I ask the question
Why Why Why Why

 

 

Utopia by Tarzana Joe

 

That notion, so delectable

That mankind is perfectible

Is once again respectable

And seems our current goal

 

We used to think divinity

Was out there past infinity

Perhaps in the vicinity

Of your immortal soul

 

But now we’re told perfection

For those who’re so inclined

Is nearer than it’s ever been

For it’s been redefined

 

We’re scolded to be perfect

By cries of the Incessants

We owe it to our neighbors

To use compact fluorescents

 

We owe this new utopia

To exercise for hours

We owe it to the planet

To all take shorter showers

 

Forget exploring oceans

Or some day visit Mars

The challenge of our lifetime

Is to all get hybrid cars

 

If we, in our obedience

Put out the selfish flame

We’ll turn our backs to heaven

And all will think the same

 

Is this the end of ice cream?

And vices that we treasure…

Is this the end of sparkling?

Is this the end of pleasure?

 

So down with your defiance

I recommend compliance

Join in the new alliance

And grasp the greater good

 

Forget what you’re pursuin

It’s been your life’s undoin

The past is but a ruin

See there, where it once stood.

 

Beer Diplomacy

By Tarzana Joe

 

There’s been change in Washington

As likewise in the weather

We used to think that Cola

Would bring us all together

 

And we’d be forging ploughshares

From all the swords that broke

If we only had the wisdom

To buy the world a Coke

 

But President Obama

Has made the change so clear

The way to reach agreement

Is with an ice cold beer

 

Nixon and Nikita

Might have sung a sweet duet

If there only was a six pack

In the kitchen where they met.

 

And surely Ronald Reagan

Wouldn’t have walked out in a pique

If Gorby brought some Guiness

When he came to Reykjavik

 

To reconcile Fata

To international Jewery

Don’t take the talks to Oslo

Hold them in a brewery

 

Neville Chamberlain would be remembered

For firmness—not for weaseling

Is he’s ordered Munich Pilsner

And not the local Reisling

 

I propose a new diplomacy

A hope-filled and a bold one

I’ve just sent Hugo Chavez

A sudsy frosty cold one

 

To reach accommodation

This way is now the norm

And we should use this method

To reach health care reform

 

Let’s learn ourselves a lesson

And do what lib’rals do

Madam Speaker Ms Pelosi

This Bud’s for you.

 

Confused

By Tarzana Joe

 

Due to the pace of politics

My brain is much abused
Could it be that all this change

Has me a bit confused?

 

It seems that back in Washington

Odd alliances are made

Did I just hear the A.M.A.

Came out for “Cap and Trade”

 

And in a move “self-interest”

Completely redefines

The codgers down at AARP endorsed

Longer waiting lines

 

It’s getting so confounding

I need someone to confide in

I think that I’m beginning

To understand Joe Biden

 

Please help me with this paradox

Send e-mails, notes, and faxes

If Health Reform will save so much

Why are they raising taxes?

 

Yes, in the House and Senate

The steel has struck the flint

What ought to be a marathon

Is clearly now a sprint

 

With all this legislation

The thing that makes me worry

If it stands up to scrutiny

Then what’s the blessed hurry?

 

There’s something in this need for speed

That brings me close to sadness

Doing this by August

Isn’t politics…it’s madness

 

And the media would tell us

Unless I am mistaked

If Republicans had tried this stunt

“The Emporer is naked!”

 

Taxes and assessments

Can set us all to squawking

But messing with our health care…

This is peoples’ lives we’re talking

 

You can roll back regulation

You can make the Bond guys whole

You can redefine the brackets

But you can’t refund a soul

 

So take a little recess

Hope you have a dandy flight

If you’re going to make this happen

Then you’d better get it right

 

Goodnight, Walter

By Tarzana Joe

 

Those in my generation

Those of a certain age

Have lost our voice of reason

We’ve lost ourselves a sage

 

For TV was our window

Those broadcasts shaped our views

And at our kitchen table

We watched the Evening News

 

Tuning to the network

Was by all means a must

He gave us all the details

And we gave him our trust

 

He brought us all to Dallas

He brought us to the moon

If you ask me my opinion

He left the air too soon

 

Now news is entertainment

Gloss and glitz and fizz

It’s sad to see what’s happened

But “that’s the way it is”

 

Though my positions differ

From those held in my youth

I didn’t share his opinions

But I know he told the truth

 

So please forgive my sentiment

If my voice begins to falter

Goodnight, Chet.

Goodnight, David.

And, finally,

Goodnight, Walter.

 

 

A Poem for Friday July 3rd by Tarzana Joe

 

Tomorrow is the morning

When we celebrate the birth

Of the greatest of the nations

Gracing God’s green earth

 

I know it’s out of fashion

With this administration

To claim we’re more exceptional

Than any other nation

 

They argue such devotion

Ignores our faults and foibles

I say that those who think so

Have lost most of their “moibles

 

So let me share this notion

That crowd considers wild

America’s our parent

But it also is our child

 

And no matter their persuasion

I sure will give a guess you’ll

Never meet a parent

Who doesn’t think his kid is special

 

It raised us to be leaders

In the world we share today

Then we dress it for the future

And send it on its way

 

It shielded and protected us

Through struggles and through sorrow

Teaching us the lessons

That it will need tomorrow

 

It’s up to us to listen

It’s up to us to reach

And when the future calls us

It’s up to us to teach

 

For to live here brings a duty

That no one can neglect

And if you have no other gifts

At least give your respect

 

For despite the flaws and failings

Reality reveals

This nation, like no other

Is founded on ideals

 

So like a son or daughter

Stay steadfast in its sight

And like a loving parent

Raise your nation right

 

For tomorrow is the morning

When we celebrate the birth

Of the greatest of the nations

Gracing God’s green earth

 

Poem for 6/19/09

 

Obama to the Iranians

Or

If it Weren’t So Serious, It’d Be Funny

By Tarzana Joe

 

I’ve taken some abuse

Because I haven’t spoken out

Sometimes it’s best to whisper

When the world expects a shout.

 

You’ve taken to the streets

Despite the edicts and the bans

(Who know that you Iranians

Were such rabid Laker fans?)

 

I don’t want it to appear

That my intention is to meddle

I don’ think our way of living

Is a system we should peddle

 

Sure, I know there are some preachers

Who can stir up real dissention

That’s why for twenty years

I just didn’t pay attention

 

Of course I’ve taken notice

That your anger has been rising

After all I made my living

Community Organizing

 

And if you organize your outrage

No power can resist you

If I’d  known what you were planning

I’d have sent Acorn to assist you.

 

Now the world will long remember

Your bravery and your pluck

On behalf of all Americans

I’m here to say…Good Luck!

 

 

6/12/09

Old Mother Hubbard Revised

By Tarzana Joe

 

Old Mother Dinick

Went down to the clinic

To get her prescription for gout.

But when she got there

The shelves were all bare

So Old Mother D did without.

 

Old Mr. Proctor

Went down to his doctor

Because his intestines were stuck

But without motivation

For true innovation

Proctor was… JUST out of luck

 

Old Mr. Spurgeon

Called his osteo surgeon

And found that their plans had a crimp

Because, he was told

That his knees were so old

He’d just have to walk with a limp

 

Old Captain Nemo

Was slated for chemo

And knew that his future was rough

But since he was a smoker

The government broker

Said they wouldn’t pay for the stuff

 

Young mother Benter

Went down to the center

To get her some pre-natal care

But the class teaching Kegels

Was full up with illegals

And they had no room for her there

 

She went to the doctor

For help with her spine

But had to stand back

At the end of the line

 

She went to an intern

Cause she didn’t feel steady

But she couldn’t get help

Cause the forms weren’t ready

 

She went to the Senate

To kick up a fuss

But Harry Reid stood

And he started to cuss

“You got what you asked for

Now, don’t bother us.”

 

She went to Pelosi

To stir up a stink

Who said, condescending,

While sipping her drink

“Dear, no one I know

Gives a hoot what you think.”

 

It seems like we’re heading toward certain disaster

And the goal of the Congress is to just get there faster

 

 

Poem for 5/29/09

Cranky?  Who, Me? 

by Tarzana Joe

 

We are the men

Our hair is white

And thinning

It wasn’t like this

In the beginning

The heavens and the earth were ours

We strode like Zeus

We fought like Mars

Drove fast and loose in muscle cars

 

Then, in a moment

We were older

No longer brash

No longer bolder

We felt the pain in knee and shoulder

Some say our fall is fitting

From hardball

To softball

To golf

To sitting

And now, we’re told to take up knitting

 

We are the men

And we’ve been stripped of all our perks

At last, our spleen is all that works

Cranky?

Wouldn’t you be?

Beset by BPH, IBS, ED

Oh, woe is us

Oh woe is me

 

We are the men

All jowl and wattles

The fuzz in our ears like Bufferin bottles

Living on our past illusions

Our lives a clutter of confusions

And now…we can’t reach just conclusions

Opinions we might write or render

Are better made by the other gender

Could it be time for our surrender?

 

We are the men

And it’ s been fun

No doubt we’re seeing justice

Done

 

Poem for 5/15/09

I’ve seen the light

Now I can write

A bit of verse extolling

The many skills

And spending bills

Of he who topped the polling

 

So now this man

Has got a plan

And gives us his assurance

We can’t survive

Or stay alive

Without his health insurance

 

In threes and fours

Behind closed door

The bill has been assembled

Across the way

The A.M.A

And chiropractors trembled

 

While out at sea

The G.O.P.

Is huddled with advisers

I have a hunch

That this poor bunch

Is full of compromisers

 

They’ve tasted rout

And so I doubt

For all their public pledges

To some extent

They’ll be content

To trim around the edges

 

Those corporate thugs

Who make our drugs

Find their position weaker

But think they can

Affect the plan

By lobbying the Speaker

 

They disagree

With Nancy P

And hope their option’s saleable

If they agree

And guarantee

To keep Botox available

 

At set of sun

When all is done

I see a system fashioned

Where patients twist

On waiting lists

And Kayopectate’s rationed

 

Despite our wealth

The public health

Will not be any stronger

And I don’t see

How you and me

Can live lives that are longer

 

So here’s how our great leader

Has proved his fine credentials

He’s viewed the situation

And grasped the true essentials

And so proposed a system

Of vision, scope and purity

By screwing up our health care

He’ll save Social Security

 

Poem for 5/8/09

 

To the Tribbles

By Tarzana Joe

 

As you might guess

I must confess

To B.henn, Lynn and Becky

Since way back when

When I was ten

I’ve always been a Trekkie

 

When just a kid

As others did

I sought a new perspective

I found the truth

And as a youth

Embraced the Prime Directive

 

And though my tastes

Were sometimes placed

On things a bit more highbrow

I tried at night

By fading light

To raise a single eyebrow

 

I saw a time

That honored rhyme

When no man was my foeman

I’d sing my tunes

On Mar’s moons

To mini-skirted Yomen

 

To those who doubt

What I’m about

Then this could be a tip-off

The poet thinks

George Lucas stinks

And Star Wars was a rip-off

 

It all was real

And Bones could heal

A wound without a suture

Our rightful place

Was out in space

And we had seen the future

 

Then one sad day

We lost our way

And all that was forgotten

A shuttle crashed

The budget slashed

The moon was misbegotten

 

Our God has cast

A world so vast

To puzzle and delight us

To understand

What he has planned

The very stars invite us

 

If tomorrow seems

Bereft of dreams

With so much we don’t know

The answer lies

Beyond our skies

Where we must boldly go

 

 

4/24/09

 

IHS

By Tarzana Joe

 

Georgetown slept,

Jesus wept.

 

 

Hazard an Opinion

 

If your mettle isn’t martial

Thoughts of battle make you nervous

You have other opportunities

To perform your public service

 

Though the money may be meager

I know of no finer station

Than to start a new career

As a lawyer for your nation

 

There are lots of regulations

Decks of dicta you must swallow

But one above all others

Is the rule that you must follow

 

Be it Treasury or Commerce

At Defense or the Interior

The first thing you must learn

Is how to cover your posterior

 

Despite all the pretty promises

Of the paths that you’ve been led down

Just like Tommies in the trenches

You will have to keep your head down

 

So while others prep for combat

In the fields doing the fighting

You must somehow find the courage

To commit your thoughts to writing

 

But if you’re forced to write a memo

So that others might refine it

If you value your tomorrows

Then, for pity’s sake don’t sign it.

 

That’s the clear and present danger

In how government is run

It’s a cinch to understand

Just how so much goes undone

 

Here’s the lesson to be learned

Be you senior staff or minion

If you work for Uncle Sam

Never Hazard an opinion.

 

Poem for April 17, 2009

Homeland Security Assessment

By Tarzana Joe

 

 Stung by the alarm with which

Our last report was met

We’ve retired to our bunkers

And re-assessed the threat

 

We’ve examined all our “intel

And combed through all the clues

And the following advisory

Is the work of these re-views

 

Our country’s under siege

And with sleepers surely swarming

These groups believe in God

And not in global warming

 

In fact…

Our agents have concluded

That the greatest threat to you

Is from anyone, yes anyone

Who exhales CO2

 

We need to keep on guard

And to shore up our defenses

Against those who mow their lawns

And hide behind white picket fences

 

Ignore radicals with passports

From Burma, Laos or Thailand

But be sure to keep an eye on

Anyone

Who’s ever seen

An episode

Of Gilligan’s Island

 

Using mild interrogation

We’ve learned from one confessor

Of some subversive strategies

Being taught by “The Professor”

 

These insurgents are a danger

And they work behind the scenes

Of the Army, Navy, Air Force

Coast Guard and Marines

 

We’ve notified the DOJ

To suggest they issue bans

On gun-owners, religionists

And Pittsburgh  Steeler  fans

 

It’s the government’s concern

In fact, it is our duty

To protect ourselves from those who think

Life has both worth and beauty

 

Though the fact that we lacked data

Put some pundits in a funk

Everything in this review

Is a guaranteed slam-dunk.

 

 

If there are no miracles

By Tarzana Joe

 

There are no miracles

Riboneucleic acid, left to itself and given enough time

Will spiral and combine to make me

And my child

 

The statue does not cry

It is the unusual humidity for this time of year…

And the peculiar paint

 

There are no visions

No Marys in the mist

Or Jesus in the leaf

Just Nature, using Photoshop to fool us

 

So if there are no miracles

How are we to see our souls as God sees them?

 

Close your eyes and see the one you love the most

Close your eyes and see the parent that you miss

Close your eyes and hear the voice that always stirs you

Close your eyes and tell yourself the truth

There is your soul

 

So if there are no miracles

Close your eyes

And do what you thought only Jesus could do

Rise.

 

Poem for the Week of 3/27/09

Found Money

By Tarzana Joe

 

I used to be depressed

But lately, I’ve been buoyed

By examples of my countrymen

So gainfully employed

 

When the cupboard’s all but empty

After all my bills are paid

I look to Congress for examples

Of the money to be made

 

Yes, when my balance is as brittle

As the teeth left in my comb

I always think of Barney Frank

Earning extra cash from home

 

And we all could up our outlook

Kind of give ourselves a raise

If we all could just refinance

To the rate that Chris Dodd pays

 

When your account hits bottom

And you need a hearty laugh

Try to emulate our President’s

Current Chief of Staff

 

Men who hold high office

Can often be such snobs

But look what Rham Emanuel

Was up to between jobs

 

Did he rest upon his laurels

Or on a couch, like Drabble?

No, he was out there toiling

Down and dirty, with the rabble

 

I can feel his deep dilemma

As his choices he was ranking,

“Let’s see, I could join the Peace Corps…

Or there’s investment banking.”

 

“I really love my country

And to her, I am a debtor

But what I hear from Hillary

Wall Street pays much better”

 

And for his giant payday

He only had to schmooze a bit and mingle

I ‘ll bet that kind of money

Makes Matthews’ both legs tingle

 

But I’m really not that jealous

I know when I get my chance

I can re-release my memoirs

For a half-a-mil advance.

 

Poem for the week of 3/20/09

 

Conspiracy Theory

By Tarzana Joe

 

I for one am someone

Who is worn and growing weary

Of each new paranoia

And conspiratorial theory

 

I don’t believe wrecked aliens

Have been packed into a cooler

In the desert outside Vegas

Or a base near Ashtabula

 

No refs were ever bribed

To beat the Buckeyes in a bowl

And no one shot at JFK

From fence or grassy knoll

 

But an “unintended” consequence

Of certain recent laws

Is enough to give this skeptic

More than just a moment’s pause

 

There’s a terror tucked in TinTin

And a risk in Dr. Seuss

As your kids are put in peril

By the Little Red Caboose

 

These old children’s books are poison

No matter what you think

Cause teeny, tiny bits of lead

MAY BE mixed up in the ink.

 

And lead can be a problem

For your abdomen or thorax

So be sure to heed this warning:

Never lick a Lorax

 

And the only thing that we can do

To keep our kids alive

Is burn every publication

Printed before 1985

 

Now here’s where I have questions

And here’s what I suspect

Every book saved from the flames

Will be politically correct

 

Here’s what’s more suspicious

And makes the matter worse

The only books deemed safe

Are also culturally diverse

 

You ask what proof I offer

To support this tale of mine

“Heather has two Mommies” first came out

In 1989

 

I used to think such theories

Just wouldn’t hold any water

I didn’t give them the time of day

But maybe, friends, I oughta.

 

So go through all your bookshelves

And check each book’s release

We all will soon be visited

By the Library Police

 

Well, if you want my collection

You had better send the troops

No government is going to take away…

My “Everybody Poops.”

 

I’ll say this again slowly

So that Congress understands

You can have my Huckleberry Finn

When you pry it from my cold dead hands

 

Poem for the Week of 3/13/09

Vacation

By Tarzana Joe

 

The most important question

Confronting our great nation

Is, “When will our new president

Take his first vacation?”

 

He’s done so much already

That now, for goodness sake

I think we all agree

The man deserves a little break

 

For the New York Times has noticed

They reported it today

He’s begun to use the Clairol

And he’s hit two packs a day

 

The jobs that still need doing

Dotting I’s and crossing T’s

That all can be accomplished

By those stalwart appointees

 

Though the oceans are still rising

And the market’s in a mess

A little R&R is what he needs

To quell the stress

 

The House is in good order

And the Veep can run the show

The Prez already told us

No one would mess with Joe

 

But the guy has no retreat

That he can share with kids and spouse

Unless you count that strip of land

Behind the Resko’s house

 

There’s an extra room in Crawford

And a couch in Kennebunk

He can take a suitcase

And Michelle can pack a trunk

 

And to show the world that lib’rals

Really aren’t cruel

The kids can take their friends

They booted out of Sidwell’s school

 

So to Asia or to Europe go

Cruise with talk show hosts to either

I say with true compassion

We all could use a little breather. 

 

6/6/09

Brother Can you Spare a Song?

Or

Pennies from Washington

By Tarzana Joe

 

It’s Official

We’re in trouble

Everything you own is sitting on a bubble

Though the mountain that you had is now a pile

Smile

Smile

Smile

 

I was gloomy

But no longer

All the things that don’t destroy me make me stronger

So although your 401’s been cut in half

Laugh

Laugh

Laugh

 

Every era

Needs an anthem

If you don’t express your dreams then who can grant them?

Let’s have confidence we didn’t elect a dope

Hope

Hope

Hope

 

All those summits

Yada Yada

Though the impact on my paycheck’s next to nada

Please don’t think my happy attitude is strange

Change

Change

Change

 

Up your outlook

Get a grip

We’ll float higher once the rats all leave the ship

In the famous words of John Paul number 2

Woo

Woo

Woo

 

Yes, we still might

Be in trouble

But look closely!  There’s a rainbow on that bubble

Every mountain once began as just a pile

Smile

Smile

Smile

 

Poem for 2/28/09

New Math by Tarzana Joe

 

Class, the word today is “trillion”

Let’s all practice how to say it

It’s a word you need to learn

Because, class, you’re going to pay it.

 

Kids, it’s hard to get a picture

As you mind will not allow you

To get your brain around

Such a monstrous place value

 

Do you want some kind of image?

Because this lesson needs a boost…

Class, picture a trillion chickens

Coming home to roost

 

Are you getting some idea of

What I’m trying to convey to ya?

Why, a trillion bucks in dollar bills

Would fill two Yankee Stadia

 

And remember all those Lincolns

That we used to keep in jars

Well, a trillion bucks in pennies

Is about the size of Mars.

 

Oh, I’m sure some will make the case that

A trillion ain’t so dear

Heck, it’s just the number of earned runs

Duane’s allowed in his career

 

Still can’t get the picture

No matter how you try

Take a stack of thousand dollar bills

Sixty-seven miles high

 

But it really doesn’t matter

How high a pile you stack

Ten bucks is a lot of dough

If you have to pay it back

 

So I’ve tried to paint a picture

And that future’s not so sunny.

A trillion here, A trillion there

That could add up to real money.

 

 

Poem for the Week of 2/20/09

No Strings

By Tarzana Joe

 

I want to buy a brand new car

New autos, they cost plenty

And I had saved ten thousand bucks

But the auto; it cost twenty.

 

Now I’m a prudent person

A model among men

I want to buy that brand new car

But not to borrow ten.

 

Then just when things were darkest

And my hopes were in the trash

The government came calling

And said they’d give me cash

 

They said they had the car for me

A car both green and sporty

The Fed gave me ten thousand bucks

But the car they picked cost forty

 

But I don’t need a car that big

They said, “You don’t get it, Sonny.”

“If you don’t buy the car we say,

Then you don’t get the money!”

 

Well, now I’ve got a brand new car

Thanks to El Presidente

I didn’t want to borrow ten

Now I’m in the hole for twenty.

 

In the bowels of the Congress

Where the best-laid plans are hatched

Nothing, my friends, nothing

Doesn’t come with strings attached

 

The New Diplomacy

By Tarzana Joe

 

A hopeful day is dawning

And the changing has begun

Let’s all get down to business

But remember that I won

 

We’re going to change America

And reason not the cost

I’d love to hear your thinking

But remember that you lost

 

To this little wine and cheese

I bi-partisan-ly greet you

Before we get to the agenda

Did I mention that I beat you

 

When it comes to picking policy

There can only be one chooser

Now I am the decider

And you, friend, are the loser

 

The deficit is larger 

And the GDP is thinner

But that’s the way I want it

And guess what?  I’m the winner

 

The government is growing

And I hope you know your place in it

And every chance I get

I’m going to rub your face in it.

 

January 30, 2009

Stickers

by Tarzana Joe

During the last administration

Nothing made me sicker

Than the loyal opposition's

Use of bumper sticker

 

For the kind of threats that faced us

In the darkness of those days

Should not have been debated

By some adhesive phrase

 

So bothered by those phrases

‘Stead of driving, I would foot it

I don’t care where hybrid drivers

Think my president should put it

 

But my party's out of power

And my nose is out of joint

Guess I'll have to stoop to slogan

To impress and make my point

 

I'm now printing bumper stickers

Which I hope will spread like cancer

With the following emblazoned

"PORK IS NOT THE ANSWER."

 

 

The Word not Wanting

By Tarzana Joe

 

All poets with a somber task

For certain words, the muses ask

Words which majestic thoughts might border

And put them in the proper order

I, like my fellow poets plead

Muses come and come with speed

For words proclaimed and words repeated

Have thousands of despairs defeated

We the people, when in the course

Revive ideals that all endorse

And even when the way is broken

Renew the dream each time they’re spoken

 

My pleas the muses must have swayed

Here are the words that they conveyed

Oh, President of drive and youth

The word above all words is Truth

Tell us the truth and please don’t fake it

We’ve shown the world that we can take it

Avoid the clever paths of scandal

Truth is what we want to handle

We won’t accept what spinners sell us

If aliens arrive, just tell us

 

We hold these truths like precious light

And marching with the Truth is Right

For truth comes ever, as it must

With that other precious asset, Trust

And Truth and Trust in company

Combine to set all nations free.

 

Poem for January 9, 2009

Loose Change

By Tarzana Joe

 

We’ve had our first acquaintance now

With policies Obamic

He’s going to stop all changes in

The cycles economic

 

By implementing policies

That Bush and Clinton ought of

And imposing regulations

No one before has ever thought of

 

And finally, a commissionaire

In position, has been placed

Who’s charged with identifying

All the fraud and waste

 

Her mandate is to locate

And to really trim the fat

Now why didn’t any other President

Ever think of that?

 

And judging from the rhetoric

Reaction and the roar

No one quite considered

Cutting taxes heretofore

 

For all this innovation

Yes I know I should be glad

Why Obama must be drinking

That V-8 I could have had

 

I’m sure his stimulation

Will make everything just fine

As soon as he accomplishes

Turning water into wine.

 

Poem for January 2, 2009

Good News – Bad News

by Tarzana Joe

 

At the start of every anum

My poetic predilection

Is to turn my lyric talents

To the subject of prediction

 

For poets see the future

In detail…or very nearly

For the very simple reason

We view the past so very clearly

 

Our new President is virile

And I’m sure a whole lot smarter

But I predict, by Christmas

He’ll look as old as Jimmy Carter

 

Ah, the future is quite murky

But of one thing I am certain

There will be a man of gravitas

At the top…of Haliburton

 

Detroit may never make another car

But this much I will vow

I will never buy a sportscar

That’s named after Chairman Mao

 

I state my opinions boldly

And I do so, sans regrets

But prophesy ain’t science

So I’d better hedge my bets

 

I predict Bill Marr won’t be funny

Bill Gates won’t lose a file

Bill Clinton won’t apologize

Bill Belichek won’t smile

 

I predict no stone will suffer

I predict no fish will drown

The market will go up

And the market will go down

 

And if you’re fretting on your 401

Let me minimize your fears

According to the Mayans

It only has to last for three more years

 

More Christmas Poems by Tarzana Joe

WE HAVE SEEN THE STAR

 

As we approach the morning                                        

When we celebrate Christ’s birth                                 

It’s good to think a moment                                         

Of the gift he brought to earth                                       

 

For the earth holds good and evil                                             

In a constant warring strife       

And to renew creation                                                 

It required a new life                

                                   

Our mighty God and Father                                         

To see the battle won                                                   

Though he knew what must befall him                           

Offered us his Son.      

                                               

Said the heralds in the heavens                         

As the shepherds heard them then                                

“May Peace be always with you                                   

And on earth, good will to men.”                                  

 

 

And His life was an example                                        

To those that wonder why

To defeat the clouds of darkness

An innocent may die.

 

All praise and all thanksgiving                           

To a God who can forgive.                                          

Who gave his only son                                     

So that all of us might live.

 

As we approach the dawning

Of democracy’s new land

It’s good to think a moment

Of the ones who took a stand

 

For the powers of good and evil

Now contend for a new nation

And it requires a commitment

To reconsecrate creation

 

Oh, how like God the Father

Are the mothers of this day

Who send their sons and daughters

On this bright but dangerous way

 

And a new star in the heavens

Shines as witness to this birth

Good will is due to all men

And to all men, peace on earth

 

And their lives are an example                                      

To those that wonder why

To defeat the clouds of darkness

The innocent may die.

 

All praise and all thanksgiving

To the brave who cross the sea

Who freely give their own lives

So that others might be free.

 

Joe and Tarzana Joey created this one together.

 

CHRISTMAS COMES

 

Soft as snow

Christmas comes

Gentle, meek, and slow

Christmas comes

Noble as a knight

Perfect as the Light

Humbling as a height

Christmas comes

 

Grand in dandy clothes

Christmas comes

Joyous as a rose

Christmas comes

Brighter than a fire

Finer than a choir

Higher than the tallest spire

Christmas comes

 

Awesome as the sun

Christmas day

A new world has begun

Christmas may

Grant me what I need

Conquer all I fear

And may the Christmas song

The noble knight

The joyous rose

The humbling height

Stay with us

Until the snow falls softly

Again next year.

 

 

SCHMALTZY CHRISTMAS POEM

 

There was a Christmas magic

That folks used to believe

Like joy on Christmas morning

Or snow on Christmas Eve

 

Like soot left in the fireplace

And noise up on the roof

The crumbs left on the table

That we all took as proof

 

And Scrooge’s heart was melted

Transformed from lead to gold

By the workings of the spirit

And the things that he was told

 

And other souls who wandered

Were seen by saints above

And brought back to the pathway

By the savior’s gift of love

 

And they wrote poems and stories

And they made books and plays

All about the Christmas Magic

We believed in, in those days

 

Now the movies of the season

Well, they really make me sad

And if Santa’s in the picture

You can bet that Santa’s bad

 

But there was a Christmas magic

That folks used to believe

Like joy on Christmas morning

Or snow on Christmas Eve

 

Yes, that’s the way it used to be

Yes, that’s the way it was

When Christmas made a miracle

Well, guess what…it still does.

 

Poem for 12/19/08

Putting the Tree Together

By Tarzana Joe

 

While shopping for a Christmas tree one season, I am told

The snow was falling wetly, and my mother caught a cold

 

It doesn’t seem a cold should have affected her unduly

But that’s the year my mom was pregnant with yours truly

 

Forevermore, all maladies that ere affected me

Were blamed upon the cold she caught while shopping for that tree

 

The mumps, the pox, the measles; my parents did concur

Could trace their lineage directly back to that noble fir

 

And so my folks invested in something quite fantastic

A genuine scotch pine made of wood and wire and plastic

 

And every year, our family, no matter what the weather

Would take it from the attic and put the thing together

 

The branches were of different size and each one color-coded

We used the thing for years until the wires all corroded

 

It stood right in the corner, every year a bit more limply

But that artificial conifer said Christmas, sweet and simply

 

When I got my first apartment, I was bound to do it my way

And I bought a real live tree underneath the West Side Highway

 

I dragged it through the city to my place in Murray Hill

And during the operation, I believe I caught a chill

 

And yearly, since that season, back when the world was young

I’ve had a good internist take a picture of my lung

 

Oh parents are so wise my friends

If you have them, please go kiss them.

 

And the branches of that silly tree

Oh, God.  How I do miss them

 

Poem for 12/12/08

An Embarrassment of Riches

By Tarzana Joe

 

Each week I pen some verses

Evoking cheers or curses

About virtues or vices

Or some impending crisis

And I’d love to share my views

But there’s nothing in the news

 

The transition’s going dandy

No governors are randy

The economy is jelling

And SUV’s are selling

Sure I’d love to sing my song

But not a thing is going wrong

 

No planets are aligning

Free agents aren’t signing

No aliens are landing

Or Senators grandstanding

Something better happen soon

Because there’s nothing to lampoon

 

Minnesotans aren’t wrangling

Not a single chad is dangling

Anarchists aren’t rioting

Oprah isn’t dieting

The nightly news is such a bore

Nothing happens here no more

 

The market’s doing peachy

The Pope is reading Nietzsche

Bless my soul and damn my eyes

There’s not a thing to satirize

 

Yes each week I pen an ode

From my desk in my abode

This I’ve worried day and night about

There’s not a single thing to write about

 

Poem for 12/5/08

Moratorium By Tarzana Joe

 

As the New Year fast approacheth

Tis the time for resolutions

I propose one for the nation

No more government solutions

 

The suggestion that I’m making

And the purpose of the poem

Is the slogan on my placard

Government, go home!

 

Congresspersons!  To your districts!

Recreate and play there

And for the love of mercy

Would all of you please stay there.

 

Play some golf or play some tennis

Tour the plains or tour the coasts

Go to Vegas.  Go to Reno.

Cruise the world with talk show hosts.

 

For no matter your intentions

How the views are mixed or blended

What you end up with produces

Consequences unintended

 

There are words so terrifying

When they’re spoken, mongrels yelp,

“Hello, I’m from the government

And I came here to help.!

 

There are some who pay obeisance

Make “donations”,ask for waivers

But I’m speaking for the masses

Please don’t do us any favors.

 

I don’t want your kind assistance

I don’t want another check

For the government’s not Midas

What it touches turns to dreck

 

As a blessing to the people

As a gift to this great nation

From my knees, I do beseech thee

No more helpful legislation.

 

Thanksgiving 2008

By Tarzana Joe

 

While thanking God this week for all our blessings is the norm

We ought to thank Him daily for the stillness and the storm

I know I should be grateful for the blessings and the curses

And so humbly I acknowledge both my good and better verses

I thank Him for the grace that pumps the heart that keeps me living

And all the things I’ve done in life—I thank Him for forgiving

But more than for creation—for the rose and for the lotus

I thank Him most for all the things that I have yet to notice

 

Poem for 11/21/08

Same Old

By Tarzana Joe

 

My friends, I must admit to you

It’s been a bit mind-numbing

The chanting of the faithful

Who think Barak’s the second coming

 

But taking just a look this week

At what’s up on The Hill

He is the second coming…

Of Hillary and Bill

 

We were told that change was coming

And that it was moving fast

Then why did Rip Van Winkle

Just awaken in the past

 

But O!  The sweet reflection

As they denigrate the surge

And revel in nostalgia

For the travel-office purge

 

Yes, their comeback is exalted

From heartland to the seaboards

As they re-attach the W’s

That they swiped from all the keyboards

 

Some say the Clinton years would

Be much better set aside

Those years when we surrendered

Both our influence and pride

 

But its clear that Bill and Hillary

Know what’s best for this great nation

And we can all expect four years of

re….capitulation

 

Poem for 11/14/08

A Nation in Transition

By Tarzana Joe

 

We are…A Nation in Transition

We radicals and renegades

Have formed a coalition

We’re gonna change the country

And we don’t need your permission

So join our happy movement

By assuming the position

 

We’ll add some new departments

And reason not the need

We’ll fund their operations

By taxing till we bleed

Give earmarks to the blue states

And let the rest secede

That’s how we will eradicate

The politics of greed

 

We’re paging through the Plum Book

As if no voter cares

It’s Madame Justice Clinton

And Ambassador Bill Ayres

So send us in your resumes

You lib’ral millionaires

We’ll even use John Edwards

If he scales back the affairs

 

We are…A nation in transition

The change that we’ve been waiting for

Begins with demolition

We’ve had a revolution

And we used no ammunition

The future will be brighter

O! I’ve had a premonition

 

We’ll seize the auto industry

And buy up all the banks

All we ask for in exchange…

Your assets and your thanks

The principles that guide us

Are the same as Barney Franks’

We’ll let you keep your rifles

But will only sell you blanks

 

 

The guy hosting the talk show

Said this much to the caller

The Democratic Platform

For business growth’s a staller

But he didn’t understand that

Our objective is much taller

We’re adding to small business

By making big ones smaller

 

O!

We are…a nation in transition

When it comes to thinkin

We’ll bring back prohibition

The radicals and renegades

Have formed a coalition

We’re gonna change the country

And we don’t need no permission.

 

Poem for 11/7/08

Rip Van Tarzana Joe By Tarzana Joe

 

Have I been deeply dozing

Have I slept away the seasons?

I feel the country’s different now

And I’ll give you my reasons

 

I thought that I knew politics

Has seen in at its base-est

But the way to get elected now
Is to call your district racist

 

Yes, I’m just a bit off balance

Or else I’m quite deranged

The world I see around me

Has fundamentally changed

 

The vicious, hungry lion

Is lounging with the lamb

The media has spoken

So that’s the way things am.

 

You must my leg be pullin

Or else my chain you’re yankin

We’re just a hundred votes or so

From Senator Al Franken!?

 

Where arrogance meets ignorance

That mother of all matings

How could he get elected

When he couldn’t get any ratings?

 

And the Presidential Promise

That gave McCain a lickin

Each member of the middle class

Will get a gilded chicken

 

But there really is a difference

With this Obama guy

He says he’ll keep the breast and leg

You get the wing and thigh

 

Now the party that’s defeated

Is trashing its own VEEP?

I do not like this Brave New World

I’m going back to sleep.

 

Poem for 10/31/08

What I Learned at Soxblog

By Tarzana Joe

 

I’ve often heard the young advised

To live a life that’s scrutinized

No one advances toward perfection

Without a pause for some reflection

Employer or employee

Be the best one you can be

Seize the day—make the best of it

Today’s the first day of the rest of it

Fighting fires or French fry cooking

Do it like your mother’s looking

 

I know we’ve heard those prudent voices

And yet we all make other choices

Perhaps we’d live another way

And learn the value of each day

If some bitter pill we tasted

Taught us no breath should be wasted

 

I knew a man who had to swallow

That pill; and found a path to follow

He learned it, friends, when just a boy

Yet managed to retain his joy

Each word he wrote—his way to show it

Hold on to joy…hell, even grow it

That pill became his super power

Because he cherished every hour

Refusing to be dour or grim

He taught us all to cherish him.

 

God bless.  God speed.

Dean Barnett

 

Poem for 10/24/08

 

All the News

by Tarzana Joe

 

Whenever Biden speaks

He triggers laughs

So why isn’t the media

Reporting on these gaffs

I’ve thought about this question

And I’ll give you my views

If you say something foolish every day

Then I guess it isn’t news 

 

And speaking of the news

I also ponder why

The MSM selected Obama

As their guy

As I reflect on this

The answer’s clearer

When they look at dear Barak

It’s like their gazing in a mirror

 

They’re the elite

Who think it odd

They share their vote

With those who cling to

Flag and guns and God

 

How then critique

Much less condemn

He who but for the

Messy, dirty, hard work of politics

Go them!

 

Here’s my belief

And you can leave or take it

Those he read the news

Think they should make it

 

They’ve got the slick

They’ve got the smile

No wonder that they rank

Substance under style

 

And when they take the news

And so distort it

If John McCain prevails

I bet the media won’t report it.

 

 

Hockey and Politics

By Tarzana Joe

 

Now that the Democratic prospect

Is a smorgasbord for worms

Perhaps I should acquaint you

With some good old hockey terms

 

Since Americans to hockey

Is like Ukrainians to Ramen

I’ll make a few comparisons

To things a bit more common

 

Hockey’s just like politics

Not for the tender-hearted 

A face off, when they drop the puck

Is how the game gets started

The whistle blows

Adrenaline flows

The clock begins its ticks

A face off is just like debate

Except you’re using sticks

 

May I digress?

I must confess

I love this game of skating

And I begin to show a grin just

Anticipating

I say with pride

My smile’s wide

And it, I’m sure, will widen

When I tune in that face off

Between our Sarah and

Joe Biden.

 

Icing

Icing’s when a desperate team

Tries to stop the pressure

Just like the Democrats new

Hey! Let’s drill for oil measure.

 

Offsides

Offsides is when a player

Precedes the puck into the zone.

As when on the application

For the nomination

Obama penciled in the While House number

As his business phone

 

Three goals

When the franchise player

Sets the crowd to roaring

With strength of will

And feats of skill

Consecutively scoring

Obama’s fine orations

Well we’ve all seen that trick

But Palin’s shocking, mocking, rocking

My friends, now that’s a hat trick.

 

 

A Pile of Promises by Tarzana Joe

 

I come to you with promises

In this season of the plague

Let’s get to some specifics

So it doesn’t seem so vague

 

No one will fall to sickness

And fewer still will die

He who promises is faithful

He who promises is “I”

 

No one will go to prison

No one will go to war

Everyone’s a winner as

We’ll outlaw keeping score

 

You all can go to Harvard

Unless you go to Yale

Where students will be graded on

The strictest sliding scale

(Unless, of course, you opt for

The rigors of pass/fail)

 

We’ll make the nighttimes brighter

Make sure every day is sunny

And we’ll never raise your taxes

Unless you’re making money

 

I promise hot air balloons and ovens

And I guess you all know why

How else could I deliver?

On this pie in the sky

 

No matter what your pay grade

The learning curve is steep

And now you’ve got so many

Promises to keep

With rhetoric that’s one mile high

And only one inch deep

Yankee Stadium, Farewell

By Tarzana Joe

 

Lest baseball fans forget

To fund “No! No! Nanette1”

The owner of the Red Sox

Made a deal he’d soon regret

 

Chalk it up to youth

But my friends, it’s just the truth

That deal laid the foundation

Of the ballpark built by Ruth

 

In the years that have come later

From “Bambino” to “The Gator”

No franchise on the planet

Had a record that was greater

 

No turf could ever hope

To have this ballpark’s scope

Hosting all contenders

From Max Schmeling to the Pope

 

And the measure of real fame

In this or any game

Is to step out on the field

And hear Bob Sheppard speak you name.

 

Now the All-Star game was great

Although it ended late

But it’s not the final chapter in

This story writ’ by fate.

 

For the angels in the hall

Who watch this game of ball

Are coming to the Bronx for

One more classic in the fall.

 

And the home team gets last licks

Why, it was built in to the bricks

And the Yanks will add one more

To that World Title 26

Poem for June 27, 2008

Gun Thoughts by Tarzana Joe

 

If I ever thought to get a gun

My inner voice would cry out

What do you want with a gun, TJ?

You’ld likely shoot your eye out.

 

Raised so far away from the NRA

That I never touched a rifle

Those semantic fights re: the Bill of Rights

Seemed an academic trifle

 

But in later life with a home and wife

I began to pay attention

To the need to care and the right to bear

And the framers’ true intention

 

I know despite good aims there are urban flames

And that firearms could fan them

But do we solve or at all evolve

If we merely try to ban them

 

Well I had my doubts due to all the shouts

But Scalia I could kiss ‘ya

Because you could sense the difference

Between a gang and a militia

 

Poem for June 20, 2008

You’ve often heard me sing this song

Everything you know is wrong

Those in darkness doused the light

Things you knew were wrong…are right

What goes up might not come down

And Vegas is a Temperance Town

 So now when oil prices soar

Let’s not drill for anymore

Pelosi and her merry band

Repealed supply, reformed demand

Sure, new refineries might be nice

But they might melt the polar ice

No matter what we must be fair

To terrorist and polar bear

Now soldiers entering fire fights

Must first shout out Miranda Rights

Opponents routed from their forts

Can take their case to higher courts

Those same courts that have opined

That marriages be redefined

 The eloquent Obama pleads

“To each according to his needs”

Echoing another’s screeds

And no one heeds, no one heeds

 O, where for art thou; where and whence

Have you gone, sweet common sense?

Poem of the Week for May 30, 2008

 Selling it

By Tarzana Joe

 I wasn’t there but I believe

That Leonidas lied

The Persians didn’t mean any harm

300 Spartans died

 Yes, Leonidas lied

300 Spartans died

 He sold the war to citizens with

Flummery and flake

And gullibly the Grecians

Thought their culture was at stake

 But clever Romans wouldn’t buy

What Caesars had to sell

“The Vandals are a peaceful group…”

 The Roman Empire fell.

 War is such a dreadful thing

That truly I am told

Everyone who goes to war

In someway must be sold 

He must be convinced his future

And his country are at stake

To understand the sacrifice

He might be called to make

 And those in charge must make the case

As they’ve been picked to lead

Use every means and every word

To illustrate the need.

 Disagree?  Then make your case

That’s what debate is for

You’ve got the edge

As there’s a lack of folks I know who want a war

 So next time you reach to get that Brand X from the shelf

Pick me up that modern myth, the war that sells itself.

 

 

Poem of the Week for May 23, 2008

 Fight on!

By Tarzana Joe

 “Fight on,” said the Trojans when their citadel was lost.

 “Fight on,” said the Hessians when the Delaware was crossed. 

“Fight on,” said the Germans when the Siegfried Line was burst. 

“Fight on,” says Ohio State every January 1st.

  “Fight on,” said the French… oh, no they didn’t.

 “Fight on,” said the Cubbies after Bartman snagged the ball.

 “Fight on,” said the Philistines after Samson decked the hall.

 “Fight on,” said old Custer, “Those arrows won’t hurt much.”

 “Fight on,” said James the Second…”Come on, it’s just the Dutch!”

 Fight on, Mrs. Clinton.  Fight on no matter what.

 In the words of the poet, “To that night, go gentle …not!”

 

 

 

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Revised: November 26, 2008.